Slow As Sunday: Ultimate Mario

Nintendo's official mascot is a multi-talented mustachioed Italian gentleman with a thirst for adventure and a penchant for sports. So I ask the question: Why hasn't there been a Mario game that showcases all of Mario's talents? Imagine, if you will, a video game that is the ultimate tribute to Mario's past and present, mixing game elements that include puzzle solving, platform navigation, cart racing, golf, tennis, baseball, soccer and everything that the little plumber that could can take on. The game would take place in an open world where the player chooses what objectives to tackle, without any strict story progression to hinder exploration. Sure the Mario Party games showcased many of Mario's unique talents but players were stuck traversing a wacky "life sized" board game. Let's take a romp through this imaginary land and see where we end up.

Starting at Princess Peach's castle, Mario heads to the garage attached at the west end to borrow a motorcycle. Proceeding down a path he comes to a broken bridge on a cliff with platforms in the sky in sight. Revving the engine, Mario leaps off the bike and equips his flying cap in mid air, taking to the skies and the nearest platform. From the floating disk he can see the mighty expanse of the kingdom below and notices he is not alone on his perch. Two flying Koopas are arguing who can fly the fastest, Mario stumbles into the conversation and instead of pouncing on the Koopas right there and then, accepts their challenge to a race. The next thing he knows Mario is waiting for the timer to count down while he and the koopas line up to jump off the platform and race around an obstical course of flying rings. Finishing the race in first, and collecting his winnings in gold coins, Mario looks for his next challenge, and notices far below a tennis court...

This Ultimate Mario game should be made, as it has been a good long deal since I've tramped about the Mushroom Kingdom with a sense of freedom and a lust for exploration. More importantly I think a game like this needs to be made for all the other Mario games to make sense. Mario's list of skills and abilities have increased dramatically since his days as a plumber and I don't think it is necessary for a princess to be kidnapped in order to enjoy deploying them. Call me looney or a mad genius, I just think it would be a good time.